Unit 1
Time-Conscious Americans
Americans believe no one stands still. If you are not moving ahead, you are falling behind. This attitude results in a nation of people committed to researching, experimenting and exploring. Time is one of the two elements that Americans save carefully, the other being labor.
美国人认为没有人能停止不前。?如果你不求进取，你就会落伍。这种态度造就了一个投身于研究、实验和探索的民族。时间是美国人注意节约的两个要素之一，另一要素是劳力。?
"We are slaves to nothing but the clock," it has been said. Time is treated as if it were something almost real. We budget it, save it, waste it, steal it, kill it, cut it, account for it; we also charge for it. It is a precious resource. Many people have a rather acute sense of the shortness of each lifetime. Once the sands have run out of a person's hourglass, they cannot be replaced. We want every minute to count.
人们一直说：“只有时间才能支配我们。”人们似乎把时间当作一个差不多是实实在在的东西来对待。?我们安排时间、节约时间、浪费时间、挤抢时间、消磨时间、缩减时间、对时间的利用作出解释；我们还要因付出时间而收取费用。?时间是一种宝贵的资源，许多人都深感人生的短暂。?时光一去不复返。?我们应当让每一分钟都过得有意义。?
A foreigner's first impression of the US is likely to be that everyone is in a rush—often under pressure. City people always appear to be hurrying to get where they are going, restlessly seeking attention in a store, or elbowing others as they try to complete their shopping. Racing through daytime meals is part of the pace of life in this country. Working time is considered precious. Others in public eating-places are waiting for you to finish so they, too, can be served and get back to work within the time allowed. You also find drivers will be abrupt and people will push past you. You will miss smiles, brief conversations, and small exchanges with strangers. Don't take it personally. This is because people value time highly, and they resent someone else "wasting" it beyond a certain appropriate point.
外国人对美国的第一印象很可能是：每个人都匆匆忙忙──常常处于压力之下。?城里人看上去总是在匆匆地赶往他们要去的地方，在商店里他们焦躁不安地指望店员能马上来为他们服务，或者为了赶快买完东西，用肘来推搡他人。?白天吃饭时人们也都匆匆忙忙，这部分地反映出这个国家的生活节奏。人们认为工作时间是宝贵的。在公共用餐场所，人们都等着别人尽快吃完，以便他们也能及时用餐，?你还会发现司机开车很鲁莽，人们推搡着在你身边过去。?你会怀念微笑、简短的交谈以及与陌生人的随意闲聊。?不要觉得这是针对你个人的，?这是因为人们都非常珍惜时间，而且也不喜欢他人“浪费”时间到不恰当的地步。?
Many new arrivals in the States will miss the opening exchanges of a business call, for example. They will miss the ritual interaction that goes with a welcoming cup of tea or coffee that may be a convention in their own country. They may miss leisurely business chats in a restaurant or coffee house. Normally, Americans do not assess their visitors in such relaxed surroundings over extended small talk; much less do they take them out for dinner, or around on the golf course while they develop a sense of trust. Since we generally assess and probe professionally rather than socially, we start talking business very quickly. Time is, therefore, always ticking in our inner ear.
许多刚到美国的人会怀念诸如商务拜访等场合开始时的寒暄。?他们也会怀念那种一边喝茶或喝咖啡一边进行的礼节性交流，这也许是他们自己国家的一种习俗。?他们也许还会怀念在饭店或咖啡馆里谈生意时的那种轻松悠闲的交谈。?一般说来，美国人是不会在如此轻松的环境里通过长时间的闲聊来评价他们的客人的，更不用说会在增进相互间信任的过程中带他们出去吃饭，或带他们去打高尔夫球。?既然我们通常是通过工作而不是社交来评估和了解他人，我们就开门见山地谈正事。?因此，时间老是在我们心中滴滴答答地响着。?
Consequently, we work hard at the task of saving time. We produce a steady flow of labor-saving devices; we communicate rapidly through faxes, phone calls or emails rather than through personal contacts, which though pleasant, take longer—especially given our traffic-filled streets. We, therefore, save most personal visiting for after-work hours or for social weekend gatherings.
因此，我们千方百计地节约时间。?我们发明了一系列节省劳力的装置；?我们通过发传真、打电话或发电子邮件与他人迅速地进行交流，而不是通过直接接触。虽然面对面接触令人愉快，但却要花更多的时间，尤其是在马路上交通拥挤的时候。因此，我们把大多数个人拜访安排在下班以后的时间里或周末的社交聚会上。?
To us the impersonality of electronic communication has little or no relation to the significance of the matter at hand. In some countries no major business is conducted without eye contact, requiring face-to-face conversation. In America, too, a final agreement will normally be signed in person. However, people are meeting increasingly on television screens, conducting "teleconferences" to settle problems not only in this country but also—by satellite—internationally.
就我们而言，电子交流的缺乏人情味与我们手头上事情的重要性之间很少有或完全没有关系。在有些国家，如果没有目光接触，就做不成大生意，这需要面对面的交谈。?在美国，最后协议通常也需要本人签字。然而现在人们越来越多地在电视屏幕上见面，开远程会议不仅能解决本国的问题，而且还能通过卫星解决国际问题。?
The US is definitely a telephone country. Almost everyone uses the telephone to conduct business, to chat with friends, to make or break social appointments, to say "Thank you", to shop and to obtain all kinds of information. Telephones save the feet and endless amounts of time. This is due partly to the fact that the telephone service is superb here, whereas the postal service is less efficient.
美国无疑是一个电话王国。几乎每个人都在用电话做生意、与朋友聊天、安排或取消社交约会、表达谢意、购物和获得各种信息。?电话不但能免去走路之劳，而且还能节约大量时间。其部分原因在于这样一个事实：美国的电话服务是一流的，而邮政服务的效率则差一些。?
Some new arrivals will come from cultures where it is considered impolite to work too quickly. Unless a certain amount of time is allowed to elapse, it seems in their eyes as if the task being considered were insignificant, not worthy of proper respect. Assignments are, consequently, given added weight by the passage of time. In the US, however, it is taken as a sign of skillfulness or being competent to solve a problem, or fulfill a job successfully, with speed. Usually, the more important a task is, the more capital, energy, and attention will be poured into it in order to "get it moving".
有些初来美国的人来自文化背景不同的其他国家，在他们的国家，人们认为工作太快是一种失礼。在他们看来，如果不花一定时间来处理某件事的话，那么这件事就好像是无足轻重的，不值得给予适当的重视。?因此，人们觉得用的时间长会增加所做事情的重要性。?但在美国，能迅速而又成功地解决问题或完成工作则被视为是有水平、有能力的标志。通常情况下，工作越重要，投入的资金、精力和注意力就越多，其目的是“使工作开展起来”。
Unit 2
Learning the Olympic Standard for Love
Nikolai Petrovich Anikin was not half as intimidating as I had imagined he would be. No, this surely was not the ex-Soviet coach my father had shipped me out to meet.
But Nikolai he was, Petrovich and all. He invited me inside and sat down on the couch, patting the blanket next to him to get me to sit next to him. I was so nervous in his presence.
"You are young," he began in his Russian-style English. "If you like to try for Olympic Games, I guess you will be able to do this. Nagano Olympics too soon for you, but for 2002 in Salt Lake City, you could be ready."
"Yes, why not" he replied to the shocked look on my face. I was a promising amateur skier, but by no means the top skier in the country. "Of course, there will be many hard training sessions, and you will cry, but you will improve."
To be sure, there were countless training sessions full of pain and more than a few tears, but in the five years that followed I could always count on being encouraged by Nikolai's amusing stories and sense of humor.
"My friends, they go in the movies, they go in the dance, they go out with girls," he would start. "But I," he would continue, lowering his voice, "I am practice, practice, practice in the stadium. And by the next year, I had cut 1-1/2 minutes off my time in the 15-kilometer race!
"My friends asked me, 'Nikolai, how did you do it' And I replied, 'You go in the movies, you go in the dance, you go out with girls, but I am practice, practice, practice.'
Here the story usually ended, but on one occasion, which we later learned was his 25th wedding anniversary, he stood proudly in a worn woolen sweater and smiled and whispered, "And I tell you, I am 26 years old before I ever kiss a girl! She was the woman I later marry."
Romantic and otherwise, Nikolai knew love. His consistent good humor, quiet gratitude, perceptivity, and sincerity set an Olympic standard for love that I continue to reach for, even though my skiing days are over.
Still, he never babied me. One February day I had a massive headache and felt quite fatigued. I came upon him in a clearing, and after approximately 15 minutes of striding into the cold breeze over the white powder to catch him, I fussed, "Oh, Nikolai, I feel like I am going to die."
"When you are a hundred years old, everybody dies," he said, indifferent to my pain. "But now," he continued firmly. "Now must be ski, ski, ski."
And, on skis, I did what he said. On other matters, though, I was rebellious. Once, he packed 10 of us into a Finnish bachelor's tiny home for a low-budget ski camp. We awoke the first morning to find Nikolai making breakfast and then made quick work with our spoons while sitting on makeshift chairs around a tiny card table. When we were finished, Nikolai stacked the sticky bowls in front of my sole female teammate and me, asserting, "Now, girls do dishes!"
I threw my napkin on the floor and swore at him, "Ask the damn boys! This is unfair." He never asked this of me again, nor did he take much notice of my outburst. He saved his passion for skiing.
When coaching, he would sing out his instructions keeping rhythm with our stride: "Yes, yes, one-two-three, one-two-three." A dear lady friend of my grandfather, after viewing a copy of a video of me training with Nikolai, asked, "Does he also teach dance"
In training, I worked without rest to correct mistakes that Nikolai pointed out and I asked after each pass if it was better.
"Yes, it's OK. But the faster knee down, the better."
"But is it fast enough" I'd persist.
Finally he would frown and say, "Billion times you make motion—then be perfect," reminding me in an I've-told-you-a-billion-times tone, "You must be patient."
Nikolai's patience and my hard work earned me a fourth-place national ranking heading into the pre-Olympic season, but then I missed the cut for the 2002 Olympics.
Last summer, I returned to visit Nikolai. He made me tea... and did the dishes! We talked while sitting on his couch. Missing the Olympic Team the previous year had made me pause and reflect on what I had gained—not the least of which was a quiet, indissoluble bond with a short man in a tropical shirt.
Nikolai taught me to have the courage, heart, and discipline to persist, even if it takes a billion tries. He taught me to be thankful in advance for a century of life on earth, and to remind myself every day that despite the challenges at hand, "Now must be love, love, love."
尼克莱·彼得罗维奇·安尼金一点都不像我想象的那么吓人。?不，他不可能是我父亲特地送我来见的那位前苏联教练。?
可他的确是尼克莱·彼得罗维奇·安尼金本人。?
他请我进门，在沙发上坐下，又拍了拍身边的垫子，让我坐在他旁边。?在他面前，我真的很紧张。?
“你还年轻，”他的英语带着俄语口音：?
“如果你愿意试着向奥林匹克运动会进军，我想你能行。?
长野奥运会来不及参加了，但你可以准备参加2002年盐湖城奥运会。”?
“完全可以，不是吗？”看到我脸上惊愕的表情，他又说道。?
我那时是一个很有前途的业余滑雪运动员，但在国内决不是顶尖选手。?
“当然，你需要进行很多艰苦的训练，你会哭鼻子，但你一定会进步的。”?的确，后来我经历了无数痛苦的训练，还为此流了不少眼泪。但在后来的五年里，我总能从尼克莱讲的有趣故事和他的幽默感中得到鼓励。?
他开始总是说：“我的朋友们常去看电影，去跳舞，去和女孩子约会，”然后他会压低嗓门接着说：“我就在运动场上训练、训练、再训练。?第二年，我的15公里滑雪比赛成绩缩短了分钟。”?
“朋友们问我：‘尼克莱，你怎么做到的呢？’我回答：‘你们去看电影、跳舞、和女孩子约会，而我一直在训练、训练、再训练。’”?
故事通常到这儿就结束了。但有一次──后来我们知道那天是他结婚25周年纪念日──他穿着一件旧的毛衣，很自豪地站着，微笑着轻声说道：“告诉你们，我可是在26岁那年才第一次亲吻女孩子。她后来就和我结了婚。”?
不管他是不是懂得浪漫，尼克莱知道什么是爱。?
他以一贯的幽默、默默的感恩、敏锐的感觉和真诚的态度为爱设立了奥林匹克般的标准。即使在我结束了滑雪生涯之后，我仍一直努力去达到那个标准。?但他又从不娇惯我。?
二月里的一天，我头很疼，感到十分疲倦。?我在一片空地上遇见了他，在寒风中的雪地里滑了大概十五分钟后，我赶上了他，有点小题大做地说：“嘿，尼克莱，我感觉我要死了。”?
“如果活到一百岁，人人都会死的，”他对我的痛苦无动于衷，态度坚决地接着说：“但你现在必须滑、滑、再滑。”?
在滑雪板上，我照他说的去做。?但在其他事情上我会反抗他。?
在一次经费并不宽裕的滑雪露营活动中，他让我们十个人挤在一个单身汉住的芬兰式屋子里。?
第一天我们醒来时发现尼克莱正在做早餐。然后我们坐在临时拼凑起来的椅子上，围着张小小的牌桌，用勺子很快地吃完早饭。?
吃完后，尼克莱把摞起来的油腻腻的碗向我和我唯一的另一个女队友前一推，武断地说：“女孩子们，现在去洗碗吧！”?
我把餐巾往地上一扔，向他骂道：“让该死的男孩子们去洗吧！这不公平！”他没再让我去洗碗，也没对我的大发脾气显得太在意。?他只在滑雪时才显露出强烈的情感。?
训练的时候，他会岁着我们迈步的节奏大声发出指令：“对，就这样，一二三，一二三。”?
我祖父的一个好朋友──一位上了年纪的女士──看了尼克莱带我训练的录像带后问道：“他也教舞蹈吗？”?
在训练时，我一刻不停地纠正着尼克莱指出的错误。每完成一个动作，我都会问他自己是否有了进步。?
“是的，还行。但如果膝盖能屈得更快些就更好了。”?“可我滑得够快了吗？”我坚持问他。?
最后他会皱起眉头说：“你得无数次地重复，动作才能达到完美。”他提醒我“必须有耐心”，言语之间流露出“我已经告诉过你无数次了”的意思。?
尼克莱的耐心和我的勤奋使我赢得了全国第四名的好成绩，并开始为奥运会季前赛做准备。但后来我没能被选拔去参加2002年奥运会。?
去年夏天，我回去拜访尼克莱。?
他给我沏了茶......还自己洗了碗！我们坐在沙发上聊天。?
怀念起前一年的奥林匹克队，我一时沉默，回想起自己曾经获得的一切──很重要的一点就是我和这个穿着颇具热带风情衬衫、个子不高的男人之间形成了并不张扬但又牢不可摧的纽带。?
尼克莱教会我即使需要无数次的努力，也要凭借勇气、热情和严格的纪律来坚持下去。?
他还教会我为了能在这世界上生活一辈子而预先心存感激，并每天提醒自己：即便面临许多挑战，“现在心里有的必须是爱、爱、爱。”
Unit?3?
Marriage?Across?the?Nations?
Gail?and?I?imagined?a?quiet?wedding.?During?our?two?years?together?we?had?experienced?the?usual?ups?and?downs?of?a?couple?learning?to?know,?understand,?and?respect?each?other.?But?through?it?all?we?had?honestly?confronted?the?weaknesses?and?strengths?of?each?other's?characters.?
Our?racial?and?cultural?differences?enhanced?our?relationship?and?taught?us?a?great?deal?about?tolerance,?compromise,?and?being?open?with?each?other.?Gail?sometimes?wondered?why?I?and?other?blacks?were?so?involved?with?the?racial?issue,?and?I?was?surprised?that?she?seemed?to?forget?the?subtler?forms?of?racial?hatred?in?American?society.?
Gail?and?I?had?no?illusions?about?what?the?future?held?for?us?as?a?married,?mixed?couple?in?America.?The?continual?source?of?our?strength?was?our?mutual?trust?and?respect.?
We?wanted?to?avoid?the?mistake?made?by?many?couples?of?marrying?for?the?wrong?reasons,?and?only?finding?out?ten,?twenty,?or?thirty?years?later?that?they?were?incompatible,?that?they?hardly?took?the?time?to?know?each?other,?that?they?overlooked?serious?personality?conflicts?in?the?expectation?that?marriage?was?an?automatic?way?to?make?everything?work?out?right.?That?point?was?emphasized?by?the?fact?that?Gail's?parents,?after?thirty-five?years?of?marriage,?were?going?through?a?bitter?and?painful?divorce,?which?had?destroyed?Gail?and?for?a?time?had?a?negative?effect?on?our?budding?relationship.?
When?Gail?spread?the?news?of?our?wedding?plans?to?her?family?she?met?with?some?resistance.?Her?mother,?Deborah,?all?along?had?been?supportive?of?our?relationship,?and?even?joked?about?when?we?were?going?to?get?married?so?she?could?have?grandchildren.?Instead?of?congratulations?upon?hearing?our?news,?Deborah?counseled?Gail?to?be?really?sure?she?was?doing?the?right?thing.?"So?it?was?all?right?for?me?to?date?him,?but?it's?wrong?for?me?to?marry?him.?Is?his?color?the?problem,?Mom"?Gail?subsequently?told?me?she?had?asked?her?mother.?"To?start?with?I?must?admit?that?at?first?I?harbored?reservations?about?a?mixed?marriage,?prejudices?you?might?even?call?them.?But?when?I?met?Mark?I?found?him?a?charming?and?intelligent?young?guy.?Any?mother?would?be?proud?to?have?him?for?a?son-in-law.?So,?color?has?nothing?to?do?with?it.?Yes,?my?friends?talk.?Some?even?express?shock?at?what?you're?doing.?But?they?live?in?a?different?world.?So?you?see,?Mark's?color?is?not?the?problem.?My?biggest?worry?is?that?you?may?be?marrying?Mark?for?the?same?wrong?reasons?that?I?married?your?father.?When?we?met?I?saw?him?as?my?beloved,?intelligent,?charming,?and?caring.?It?was?all?so?new,?all?so?exciting,?and?we?both?thought,?on?the?surface?at?least,?that?ours?was?an?ideal?marriage?with?every?indication?that?it?would?last?forever.?I?realized?only?later?that?I?didn't?know?my?beloved,?your?father,?very?well?when?we?married."?"But?Mark?and?I?have?been?together?more?than?two?years,"?Gail?railed.?"We've?been?through?so?much?together.?We've?seen?each?other?at?our?worst?many?times.?
I'm?sure?that?time?will?only?confirm?what?we?feel?deeply?about?each?other."?"You?may?be?right.?But?I?still?think?that?waiting?won't?hurt.?You're?only?twenty-five."?
Gail's?father,?David,?whom?I?had?not?yet?met?personally,?approached?our?decision?with?a?father-knows-best?attitude.?He?basically?asked?the?same?questions?as?Gail's?mother:?"Why?the?haste?Who?is?this?Mark?What's?his?citizenship?status"?And?when?he?learned?of?my?problems?with?the?Citizenship?department,?he?immediately?suspected?that?I?was?marrying?his?daughter?in?order?to?remain?in?the?United?States.?"But?Dad,?that's?harsh,"?Gail?said.?
"Then?why?the?rush?Buy?time,?buy?time,"?he?remarked?repeatedly.?"Mark?has?had?problems?with?citizenship?before?and?has?always?taken?care?of?them?himself,"?Gail?defended."?In?fact,?he?made?it?very?clear?when?we?were?discussing?marriage?that?if?I?had?any?doubts?about?anything,?I?should?not?hesitate?to?cancel?our?plans."?
Her?father?proceeded?to?quote?statistics?showing?that?mixed?couples?had?higher?divorce?rates?than?couples?of?the?same?race?and?gave?examples?of?mixed?couples?he?had?counseled?who?were?having?marital?difficulties.?
"Have?you?thought?about?the?hardships?your?children?would?go?through"?he?asked.?
"Dad,?are?you?a?racist"?
"No,?of?course?not.?But?you?have?to?be?realistic."?
"Maybe?our?children?will?have?some?problems,?but?whose?children?don't?But?one?thing?they'll?always?have:?our?love?and?devotion."?
"That's?idealistic.?People?can?be?very?cruel?toward?children?from?mixed?marriages."?
"Dad,?we'll?worry?about?that?when?the?time?comes.?If?we?had?to?resolve?all?doubt?before?we?acted,?very?little?would?ever?get?done."?"Remember,?it's?never?too?late?to?change?your?mind."?
我和盖尔计划举行一个不事张扬的婚礼。?
在两年的相处中，我们的关系经历了起伏，这是一对情侣在学着相互了解、理解和尊重时常常出现的。?
但在这整整两年间，我们坦诚地面对彼此性格中的弱点和优点。?
我们之间的种族及文化差异不但增强了我们的关系，还教会了我们要彼此宽容、谅解和开诚布公。?
盖尔有时不明白为何我和其他黑人如此关注种族问题，而我感到吃惊的是，她好像忘记了美国社会中种族仇恨种种微妙的表现形式。?
对于成为居住在美国、异族通婚的夫妻，我和盖尔对未来没有不切实际的幻想。?相互信任和尊重才是我们俩永不枯竭的力量源泉。?
许多夫妻因为错误的理由结了婚，结果在10年、20年或30年后才发觉他们原来是合不来的。他们在婚前几乎没有花时间去互相了解，他们忽视了严重的性格差异，指望婚姻会自然而然地解决各种问题。我们希望避免重蹈覆辙。?
事实更说明了这一点：已经结婚35年的盖尔的父母正经历着一场充满怨恨、令人痛苦的婚变，这件事给盖尔带来了很大打击，并一度给我们正处于萌芽状态的关系造成了负面影响。?
当盖尔把我们计划举办婚礼的消息告诉家人时，她遇到了一些阻力。?
她的母亲德博拉过去一直赞成我们的关系，甚至还开过玩笑，问我们打算何时结婚，这样她就可以抱外孙了。?
但这次听到我们要结婚的消息时，她没有向我们表示祝贺，反而劝盖尔想清楚自己的决定是否正确。?
“这么说我跟他约会没错，但是如果我跟他结婚，就错了。?
妈妈，是不是因为他的肤色？”盖尔后来告诉我她曾这样问她母亲。?
“首先我必须承认，刚开始时我对异族通婚是有保留意见的，也许你甚至可以把这称为偏见。?
但是当我见到马克时，我发现他是一个既讨人喜欢又聪明的年轻人。?任何一个母亲都会因为有这样一个女婿而感到脸上有光的。?所以，这事跟肤色没有关系。?是的，我的朋友们会说闲话。?
有些朋友甚至对你所做的事表示震惊。?但他们的生活与我们的不同。?
因此你要明白，马克的肤色不是问题。?
我最大的担心是你也许跟我当初嫁给你爸爸一样，为了错误的原因而嫁给马克。?当年我和你爸爸相遇时，在我眼中，他可爱、?聪明、富有魅力又善解人意。?一切都是那么新鲜、那么令人兴奋。而且我们两人都认为，我们的婚姻是理想婚姻，至少表面上看是如此，而且一切迹象都表明我们的婚姻会天长地久。?直到后来我才明白，在我们结婚时，我并不十分理解我所爱的人——你的爸爸。”?“但是我和马克呆在一起已有两年多了，”盖尔抱怨道。?“我们俩一起经历了许许多多的事情。?我们彼此多次看到对方最糟糕的一面。?
我可以肯定时间只能证明我们是彼此深情相爱的。”?
“你也许是对的。但我还是认为再等一等没坏处。你才25岁。”?
盖尔的父亲戴维——我还未见过他的面——以知事莫若父的态度对待我们的决定。?
他问的问题基本上和盖尔母亲的问题相同：“干吗这么匆忙？这个马克是什么人？他是什么公民身份？”?
当他得知我办公民身份遇到了问题时，就怀疑我是因为想留在美国而娶他女儿的。?
“不过爸爸，你这话讲得太难听了，”盖尔说。?“那么干吗要这样着急？”他重复地问。?
“马克是有公民身份方面的问题，但他总是在自己处理这些问题，”盖尔辩解道。?“事实上，当我们在讨论结婚的时候，他清楚地表明了一点：如果我对任何事情有怀疑，我完全可以取消我们的计划。”?
她父亲开始引用统计数据说明异族通婚的离婚率比同族结婚的要高，而且还列举了接受过他咨询的、在婚姻上有麻烦的异族通婚夫妇的例子。?他问道：“你考虑过你将来的孩子可能会遭受的苦难吗？”?“爸爸，你是种族主义者吗？”?“不，当然不是。?
但你必须得现实一点。”?
“也许我们的孩子会遇到一些问题。但谁的孩子不会呢？?可是有一样东西他们将会永远拥有，那就是我们的爱。”?“那是理想主义的想法。?
人们对异族通婚生下的孩子是会很残酷的。”?
“爸爸，到时候我们自己会操心的。?
但是假如我们在做什么事之前，就必须把所有的疑难问题全部解决的话，那么我们几乎什么都干不成了。”?
“记住，你什么时候改变主意都不晚。”
Unit 4
A Test of True Love
Six minutes to six, said the digital clock over the information desk in Grand Central Station. John Blandford, a tall young army officer, focused his eyesight on the clock to note the exact time. In six minutes he would see the woman who had filled a special place in his life for the past thirteen months, a woman he had never seen, yet whose written words had been with him and had given him strength without fail.
Soon after he volunteered for military service, he had received a book from this woman. A letter, which wished him courage and safety, came with the book. He discovered that many of his friends, also in the army, had received the identical book from the woman, Hollis Meynell. And while they all got strength from it, and appreciated her support of their cause, John Blandford was the only person to write Ms. Meynell back. On the day of his departure, to a destination overseas where he would fight in the war, he received her reply. Aboard the cargo ship that was taking him into enemy territory, he stood on the deck and read her letter to him again and again.
For thirteen months, she had faithfully written to him. When his letters did not arrive, she wrote anyway, without decrease. During the difficult days of war, her letters nourished him and gave him courage. As long as he received letters from her, he felt as though he could survive. After a short time, he believed he loved her, and she loved him. It was as if fate had brought them together.
But when he asked her for a photo, she declined his request. She explained her objection: "If your feelings for me have any reality, any honest basis, what I look like won't matter. Suppose I'm beautiful. I'd always be bothered by the feeling that you loved me for my beauty, and that kind of love would disgust me. Suppose I'm plain. Then I'd always fear you were writing to me only because you were lonely and had no one else. Either way, I would forbid myself from loving you. When you come to New York and you see me, then you can make your decision. Remember, both of us are free to stop or to go on after that—if that's what we choose..."
One minute to six... Blandford's heart leaped.
A young woman was coming toward him, and he felt a connection with her right away. Her figure was long and thin, her spectacular golden hair lay back in curls from her small ears. Her eyes were blue flowers; her lips had a gentle firmness. In her fancy green suit she was like springtime come alive.
He started toward her, entirely forgetting to notice that she wasn't wearing a rose, and as he moved, a small, warm smile formed on her lips.
"Going my way, soldier" she asked.
Uncontrollably, he made one step closer to her. Then he saw Hollis Meynell.
She was standing almost directly behind the girl, a woman well past forty, and a fossil to his young eyes, her hair sporting patches of gray. She was more than fat; her thick legs shook as they moved. But she wore a red rose on her brown coat.
The girl in the green suit was walking quickly away and soon vanished into the fog. Blandford felt as though his heart was being compressed into a small cement ball, so strong was his desire to follow the girl, yet so deep was his longing for the woman whose spirit had truly companioned and brought warmth to his own; and there she stood. Her pale, fat face was gentle and intelligent; he could see that now. Her gray eyes had a warm, kindly look.
Blandford resisted the urge to follow the younger woman, though it was not easy to do so. His fingers held the book she had sent to him before he went off to the war, which was to identify him to Hollis Meynell. This would not be love. However, it would be something precious, something perhaps even less common than love—a friendship for which he had been, and would always be, thankful.
He held the book out toward the woman.
"I'm John Blandford, and you—you are Ms. Meynell. I'm so glad you could meet me. May I take you to dinner" The woman smiled. "I don't know what this is all about, son," she answered. "That young lady in the green suit—the one who just went by—begged me to wear this rose on my coat. And she said that if you asked me to go out with you, I should tell you that she's waiting for you in that big restaurant near the highway. She said it was some kind of a test."
大中央车站问询处桌子上方的数字钟显示：差六分六点。?
约翰·布兰福德，一个年轻的高个子军官，眼睛盯着大钟，看确切的时间。?六分钟后，他将见到一位在过去13个月里在他生命中占有特殊位置的女人，一位他素未谋面、却通过书信始终给予他力量的女人。?
在他自愿参军后不久，他收到了一本这位女子寄来的书。?随书而来的还有一封信，祝他勇敢和平安。?
他发现自己很多参军的朋友也收到了这位名叫霍利斯·梅内尔的女子寄来的同样的书。?
他们所有的人都从中获得了勇气，也感激她对他们为之战斗的事业的支持，但只有他给梅内尔女士回了信。?
在他启程前往海外战场战斗的那天，他收到了她的回信。?
站在即将带他进入敌人领地的货船甲板上，他一遍又一遍地读着她的来信。?13个月来，她忠实地给他写信。?
即使没有他的回信，她仍然一如既往地写信给他，从未减少过。?在那段艰苦战斗的日子里，她的信鼓励着他，给予他力量。?收到她的信，他就仿佛感到自己能存活下去。?
一段时间后，他相信他们彼此相爱，就像是命运让他们走到了一起。?
但当他向她索要照片时，她却婉然拒绝。?
她解释道：“如果你对我的感情是真实和真诚的，那么我长什么样又有什么关系呢。?
假如我很漂亮，我会因为觉得你爱的只是我的美貌而时时困扰，那样的爱会让我厌恶。?
假如我相貌平平，那我又会常常害怕你只是出于寂寞和别无他选才给我写信的。?不管是哪种情况，我都会阻止自己去爱你。?当你来纽约见我时，你可以做出自己的决定。?记住，那时候我们两个人都可以自由选择停止或继续下去──如果那是我们的选择??”?
差一分六点??布兰福德的心怦怦乱跳。?
一名年轻女子向他走来，他立刻感到自己与她之间存在着一种联系。?她身材修长而苗条，漂亮的金色长发卷曲在小巧的耳后。?她的眼睛如蓝色的花朵，双唇间有着一种温柔的坚毅。?她身穿别致的绿色套装，犹如春天般生气盎然。?
他向她迎去，完全忘记了她并没有佩戴玫瑰。看他走来，她的嘴角露出一丝热情的微笑。?
“当兵的，跟我同路？”她问道。?
他不由自主地向她靠近了一步。然后，他看见了霍利斯·梅内尔。?
她就站在那少女的身后，一位四十好几的女人，头发斑斑灰白。在年轻的他的眼里，梅内尔简直就是一块活脱脱的化石。?
她不是一般的胖，粗笨的双腿移动时摇摇晃晃。?但她棕色的外衣上戴着一朵红色的玫瑰。?
绿衣少女快速地走过，很快消失在了雾中。?
布兰福德觉得自己的心好像被压缩成一个小水泥球，他多想跟着那女孩，但又深深地向往那位以心灵真诚地陪伴他、带给他温暖的女人；而她正站在那里。?现在他可以看见，她苍白而肥胖的脸上透着和善与智慧。?她灰色的眼中闪烁着温暖和善良。?
布兰福德克制住跟随年轻女子而去的冲动，尽管这样做并不容易。?
他的手抓着那本在他去战场前她寄给他的书，为的是让霍利斯·梅内尔认出他。?这不会成为爱情，但将成为一样珍贵的东西，一样可能比爱情更不寻常的东西──一份他一直感激、也将继续感激的友情。?他向那个女人举起书。?
“我是约翰·布兰福德，你──你就是霍利斯·梅内尔吧。?我非常高兴你能来见我。?我能请你吃晚餐么？”?那女人微笑着。?
“我不知道这到底是怎么回事，孩子，”她答道：“那位穿绿色套装的年轻女士──刚走过去的那位──请求我把这朵玫瑰别在衣服上。?
她说如果你邀请我和你一起出去，我就告诉你她在公路附近的那家大餐厅等你。?她说这是一种考验。”
Unit5?
Weeping?for?My?Smoking?Daughter??
????My?daughter?smokes.?While?she?is?doing?her?homework,?her?feet?on?the?bench?in?front?of?her?and?her?calculator?clicking?out?answers?to?her?geometry?problems,?I?am?looking?at?the?half-empty?package?of?Camels?tossed?carelessly?close?at?hand.?I?pick?them?up,?take?them?into?the?kitchen,?where?the?light?is?better,?and?study?them?--?they?are?filtered,?for?which?I?am?grateful.?My?heart?feels?terrible.?I?want?to?weep.?In?fact,?I?do?weep?a?little,?standing?there?by?the?stove?holding?one?of?the?instruments,?so?white,?so?precisely?rolled,?that?could?cause?my?daughter's?death.?When?she?smoked??Marlboros?and?Players?I?hardened?myself?against?feeling?so?bad;?nobody?I?knew?ever??smoked?these?brands.???????
She?doesn't?know?this,?but?it?was?Camels?that?my?father,?her?grandfather,??
smoked.?But?before?he?smoked?cigarettes?made?by?manufacturers?--?when?he?was?very?young?and?very?poor,?with?glowing?eyes?--?he?smoked?Prince?Albert?tobacco?in?cigarettes?he?rolled?himself.?I?remember?the?bright-red?tobacco?tin,?with?a?picture?of??
Queen?Victoria's?partner,?Prince?Albert,?dressed?in?a?black?dress?coat?and?carrying?a?cane.???
????By?the?late?forties?and?early?fifties?no?one?rolled?his?own?anymore?(and?few?women?smoked)?in?my?hometown?of?Eatonton,?Georgia.?The?tobacco?industry,?coupled??
with?Hollywood?movies?in?which?both?male?and?female?heroes?smoked?like?chimneys,??
completely?won?over?people?like?my?father,?who?were?hopelessly?hooked?by?cigarettes.?He?never?looked?as?fashionable?as?Prince?Albert,?though;?he?continued?to?look?like?a?poor,?overweight,?hard?working?colored?man?with?too?large?a?family,?black,?with?a?very?white?cigarette?stuck?in?his?mouth.???
????I?do?not?remember?when?he?started?to?cough.?Perhaps?it?was?unnoticeable?at?first,?a?little?coughing?in?the?morning?as?he?lit?his?first?cigarette?upon?getting?out?of?bed.?By?the?time?I?was?sixteen,?my?daughter's?age,?his?breath?was?a?wheeze,?embarrassing?to?hear;?he?could?not?climb?stairs?without?resting?every?third?or?fourth?step.?It?was?not?unusual?for?him?to?cough?for?an?hour.???????My?father?died?from?"the?poor?man's?friend",?pneumonia,?one?hard?winter?when?his??lung?illnesses?had?left?him?low.?I?doubt?he?had?much?lung?left?at?all,?after?coughing??for?so?many?years.?He?had?so?little?breath?that,?during?his?last?years,?he?was?always??leaning?on?something.?I?remembered?once,?at?a?family?reunion,?when?my?daughter?was??
two,??that?my?father?picked?her?up?for?a?minute?--?long?enough?for?me?to?photograph?them?--?but?the?effort?was?obvious.?Near?the?very?end?of?his?life,?and?largely?because?he?had?no?more?lungs,?he?quit?smoking.?He?gained?a?couple?of?pounds,?but?by?then?he?was?so?slim?that?no?one?noticed.???????When?I?travel?to?Third?World?countries?I?see?many?people?like?my?father?and??
daughter.?There?are?large?advertisement?signs?directed?at?them?both:?the?tough,?confident?or?fashionable?older?man,?the?beautiful,?"worldly"?young?woman,?both??
dragging?away.?In?these?poor?countries,?as?in?American?inner?cities?and?on??
reservations,?money?that?should?be?spent?for?food?goes?instead?to?the?tobacco?companies;?over?time,?people?starve?themselves?of?both?food?and?air,?effectively??
weakening?and?hooking?their?children,?eventually?killing?themselves.?I?read?in?the??newspaper?and?in?my?gardening?magazine?that?the?ends?of?cigarettes?are?so??
poisonous?that?if?a?baby?swallows?one,?it?is?likely?to?die,?and?that?the?boiled?water?from?a?bunch?of?them?makes?an?effective?insecticide.???
????There?is?a?deep?hurt?that?I?feel?as?a?mother.?Some?days?it?is?a?feeling?of?uselessness.??
I?remember?how?carefully?I?ate?when?I?was?pregnant,?how?patiently?I?taught?my?daughter?how?to?cross?a?street?safely.?For?what,?I?sometimes?wonder;?so?that?she?can?struggle?to?breathe?through?most?of?her?life?feeling?half?her?strength,?and?then?die??of?self-poisoning,?as?her?grandfather?did???
There?is?a?quotation?from?a?battered?women's?shelter?that?I?especially?like:?"Peace?on?earth?begins?at?home."?I?believe?everything?does.?I?think?of?a?quotation?for?people?trying?to?stop?smoking:?"Every?home?is?a?no?smoking?zone."?Smoking?is?a?form?of?self-battering?that?also?batters?those?who?must?sit?by,?occasionally?joke?or?complain,?and?helplessly?watch.?I?realize?now?that?as?a?child?I?sat?by,?through?the?years,?and?literally?watched?my?father?kill?himself:?surely?one?such?victory?in?my?family,?for?the?prosperous?leaders?who?own?the?tobacco?companies,?is?enough.
我女儿抽烟。?
她做作业时，脚搁在前面的长凳上，计算器嗒嗒地跳出几何题的答案。我看着那包已抽了一半、她随意扔在手边的“骆驼”牌香烟。?
我拿起香烟，走到厨房里去仔细察看，那里的光线好一点──谢天谢地，香烟是有过滤嘴的。?
我心里十分难过。?我想哭。?
事实上，我确实哭过。我站在炉子旁边，手里捏着一支雪白的香烟，制作得非常精致，但那可是会致我女儿于死地的东西啊。?
当她抽“万宝路”及“普雷厄尔”牌香烟时，我硬起心肠，不让自己感到难过。我认识的人当中没有人抽这两种牌子的香烟。?
她不知道我父亲、也就是她外公生前抽的就是“骆驼”牌香烟。?
但是在他开始抽机制卷烟之前──那时他很年轻、也很穷，眼睛炯炯有神──他抽的是用“阿尔伯特亲王牌”烟丝自己手工卷的香烟。?
我还记得那鲜红的烟丝盒，上面有一张维多利亚女王丈夫阿尔伯特亲王的照片，他身穿黑色燕尾服，手里拿着一支手杖。?
到40年代末、50年代初，我的家乡佐治亚州的伊腾顿已没有人再自己手工卷烟了（而且几乎没有女人抽烟）。?烟草业，再加上好莱坞电影──影片中的男女主角都是烟鬼──把像我父亲这样的人完完全全争取了过去，他们无可救药地抽烟抽上了瘾。?
然而我父亲从来就没有像阿尔伯特亲王那样时髦过。他还是一个贫穷、过于肥胖、为养活一大家人而拼命干活的男人。他是黑人，嘴里却总叼着一支雪白的香烟。?我记不清父亲是什么时候开始咳嗽的。?
也许开始时并不明显，只是早晨一下床点燃第一支香烟时才有点微咳。?
到我16岁，也就是我女儿现在这般年纪时，他一呼吸就呼哧呼哧的，让人感到不安；他上楼时每走三、四级楼梯就得停下来休息一会儿，?而且，他常常一连咳上一个小时。?
肺部的病痛把我父亲折磨得虚弱不堪，一个严冬，他死于被称为“穷人之友”?的疾病──肺炎。?
他咳嗽了这么多年，我想他的肺部已没有什么完好的地方了。?去世前几年，他的呼吸已经很虚弱了，他总得倚靠着某个东西。?
我记得有一次全家聚会，当时我女儿才两岁，他抱了她一会儿，好让我有时间给他俩拍张照片。但是很明显，他是费了好大劲儿的。?
生命行将结束前，他才戒了烟，主要是因为他的肺功能已极度受损。?
戒烟后他的体重增加了几磅，但当时他太瘦了，所以没人注意到这一点。?我到第三世界国家去旅行时，看到了许多像我父亲和女儿那样的人。?
到处都有针对他们这两类人的巨大广告牌：强壮、自信或时髦的成熟男人，以及漂亮、“世故”的年青女子，都在吞云吐雾。?
就像在美国的旧城区和印第安人的居留地上一样，在这些贫困的国家里，那些本应该花在食物上的钱却流进了烟草公司。久而久之，人们不但缺少食物，而且还缺少空气，这样不但大大地损害了孩子们的体质，还使他们染上了烟瘾，最终还会致他们于死地。?
我在报纸还有我订阅的园艺杂志上看到，烟蒂的毒性很强：一个婴儿如果吞下了一个烟蒂，就很有可能会死去，而沸水加一把烟蒂就成了很有效的杀虫剂。?作为母亲，我深深地感到痛苦。?有时我有一种无能为力的感觉。?
我记得自己怀孕时，吃东西的时候是多么小心啊！之后在教她如何安全穿过马路时，又是多么耐心啊！?有时我纳闷：自己这样做到底是为了什么？难道是为了她今后大半辈子有气无力地挣扎着呼吸，然后再像她外公那样自己把自己毒死吗？?
我特别喜欢一条写在受虐妇女收容所里的语录：“人间和平，始于家庭。”?我认为世上所有的东西都是如此。?
我还想起了另一条写给那些想戒烟的人们的语录：“每个家庭都应该是禁烟区。”?
抽烟是一种自我毁灭，而且也毁灭着那些不得不坐在你身边的人。那些人偶尔也会取笑或抱怨你抽烟，可常常只能无可奈何地坐在一边看。?
我现在意识到，从我还是个孩子起，这些年来我实际上是一直坐在旁边，看着我父亲自杀。对那些生意兴隆的烟草公司的巨头们来说，能在我家取得这样一种胜利，肯定是够满意了。
Unit 6
As His Name Is, So Is He!
For her first twenty-four years, she'd been known as Debbie—a name that didn't suit her good looks and elegant manner. "My name has always made me think I should be a cook," she complained. "I just don't feel like a Debbie."
One day, while filling out an application form for a publishing job, the young woman impulsively substituted her middle name, Lynne, for her first name Debbie. "That was the smartest thing I ever did," she says now. "As soon as I stopped calling myself Debbie, I felt more comfortable with myself... and other people started to take me more seriously." Two years after her successful job interview, the former waitress is now a successful magazine editor. Friends and associates call her Lynne.
Naturally, the name change didn't cause Debbie/Lynne's professional achievement—but it surely helped if only by adding a bit of self-confidence to her talents. Social scientists say that what you're called can affect your life. Throughout history, names have not merely identified people but also described them. "As his name is, so is he." says the Bible, and Webster's Dictionary includes the following definition of name: "a word or words expressing some quality considered characteristic or descriptive of a person or a thing, often expressing approval or disapproval". Note well "approval or disapproval". For better or worse, qualities such as friendliness or reserve, plainness or charm may be suggested by your name and conveyed to other people before they even meet you.
Names become attached to specific images, as anyone who's been called "a plain Jane" or "just an average Joe" can show. The latter name particularly bothers me since my name is Joe, which some think makes me more qualified to be a baseball player than, say, an art critic. Yet, despite this disadvantage, I did manage to become an art critic for a time. Even so, one prominent magazine consistently refused to print "Joe" in my by-line, using my first initials, J. S., instead. I suspect that if I were a more refined Arthur or Adrian, the name would have appeared complete.
Of course, names with a positive sense can work for you and even encourage new acquaintances. A recent survey showed that American men thought Susan to be the most attractive female name, while women believed Richard and David were the most attractive for men. One woman I know turned down a blind date with a man named Harry because "he sounded dull". Several evenings later, she came up to me at a party, pressing for an introduction to a very impressive man; they'd been exchanging glances all evening. "Oh," I said. "You mean Harry." She was ill at ease.
Though most of us would like to think ourselves free from such prejudiced notions, we're all guilty of name stereotyping to some extent. Confess: Wouldn't you be surprised to meet a carpenter named Nigel A physicist named Bertha A Pope Mel Often, we project name-based stereotypes on people, as one woman friend discovered while taking charge of a nursery school's group of four-year-olds. "There I was, trying to get a little active boy named Julian to sit quietly and read a book—and pushing a thoughtful creature named Rory to play ball. I had their personalities confused because of their names!"
Apparently, such prejudices can affect classroom achievement as well. In a study conducted by Herbert Harari of San Diego State University, and John McDavid of Georgia State University, teachers gave consistently lower grades on essays apparently written by boys named Elmer and Hubert than they awarded to the same papers when the writers' names were given as Michael and David. However, teacher prejudice isn't the only source of classroom difference. Dr. Thomas V. Busse and Louisa Seraydarian of Temple University found those girls with names such as Linda, Diane, Barbara, Carol, and Cindy performed better on objectively graded IQ and achievement tests than did girls with less appealing names. (A companion study showed girls' popularity with their peers was also related to the popularity of their names―although the connection was less clear for boys.)
Though your parents probably meant your name to last a lifetime, remember that when they picked it they'd hardly met you, and the hopes and dreams they valued when they chose it may not match yours. If your name no longer seems to fit you, don't despair; you aren't stuck with the label. Movie stars regularly change their names, and with some determination, you can, too.
在她人生最初的24年里，人们一直叫她戴比──一个和她的漂亮容貌和优雅举止不相配的名字。?
“我的名字总是使我觉得自己应该是一个厨子，”她抱怨道，?“我真的不想要戴比这个名字。”?
一天，在填写一份出版工作职位的申请表时，这位小姐一时冲动，用她的中名林恩替换了她的名字戴比。?
“这是我一生中干得最漂亮的一件事，”现在她对人这样说，?
“一旦我不再称自己为戴比，我就感到好多了???而且其他人也开始更认真地对待我了。”?
顺利地通过那次工作面试两年后，这位昔日的女服务员现在成了一位成功的杂志编辑。?
朋友和同事们都叫她林恩。?
当然，戴比（或林恩）的职业成就并不是改名带来的，但是这肯定给她带来了好处，虽说改名仅使她对自己的才能增加了一点点自信。?社会科学家认为你叫什么名字会影响你的生活。?
从古至今，名字不仅被用来识别人，而且也被用来描述人。?《圣经》上说：人如其名。此外，《韦伯斯特大词典》也对名字作了如下的定义：表达某种特点的一个或几个字，这种特点被认为反映了某人或某事的本质，或描述了某人某事，常表示嘉许或不赞成的意思。?请好好注意这几个词：“嘉许或不赞成”。?
不管是好是坏，诸如友好或拘谨、相貌平平或漂亮妩媚等特征已经在你的名字中有所暗示，甚至他人在见到你本人之前就已经知道你的这些特征了。?
名字是与特定形象相关联的，任何一个被称为“相貌平常的简”或“普普通通的乔”的人都能证明这一点。?
后面的那个名字特别使我烦恼，因为我也叫乔。有些人认为这个名字使我更适合于做一名棒球运动员而不是别的什么职业，比如说艺术评论家。?然而，尽管有此局限，我确实曾一度设法成为了一名艺术评论家。?
即便如此，一家着名杂志一直拒绝把“乔”作为我的文章署名，而是用我名字的首字母?J.?S.?来代替。?
我怀疑，假如我的名字是比较文雅的阿瑟或艾德里安的话，我的名字早已完整地出现在杂志上了。?
当然，有积极含义的名字对你是有好处的，甚至能促进你结交新朋友。?
最新调查表明：美国男士认为苏珊是最有吸引力的女性名字，而女士则认为理查德和戴维是最有吸引力的男性名字。?
我认识一位女士，她就拒绝了一次与一位叫哈里的男人见面，因为“这人的名字听上去没劲”。?
可就在几天后的一个晚间聚会上，她走到我身边，催我把她介绍给一位气度不凡的男人；他们俩人整个晚上都在互送秋波。?
“哦，”我说：“你指的是哈里呀。”?她听了后感到很尴尬。?
虽然我们中大多数人会认为自己没有这样的偏见，但在某种程度上，我们都多多少少对名字产生过成见。?说实话，你碰到一个名叫奈杰尔的木匠会不会感到惊讶呢？或是一个叫伯莎的物理学家？抑或是一个叫梅尔的教皇？正如我的一位女性朋友在照看托儿所里四岁的儿童时所发现的那样，我们常常把由名字引起的固有想法加到他人身上。?“在托儿所里，有一次我想让一个很活跃的名叫朱利安的小男孩静静地坐下来看书，而把一个喜欢沉思、名叫罗里的孩子推出去打球。?因为他们的名字，我把他们的性格给搞混了！”?
很明显，这样的偏见也会影响课堂成绩。?
在一项由圣迭戈州立大学的赫伯特·哈拉里及乔治亚州立大学的约翰·麦克戴维主持的研究中发现，教师总是给署名为埃尔默和休伯特的作文打较低的分数，但当把这两篇作文的署名改为迈克尔和戴维时，老师给的分数就要高些。但是教师的偏见不是造成课堂成绩差别的唯一原因。?
坦普尔大学的托马斯·V·布塞博士和路易莎·瑟拉里达里安发现：那些名叫琳达、黛安、芭芭拉、卡罗尔及辛迪之类的女孩们在评分较客观的智力测验和学业成绩测验中的表现比那些名字不太有吸引力的女孩要好。?（一个与之相关的研究表明：女孩受同伴欢迎的程度也与她们的名字受欢迎的程度有关系，虽然对男孩来说这种关系不太明显。）?
虽然你父母很可能想让你的名字伴随你一辈子，但记住，他们选这个名字的时候几乎还没有见到你呢。而且，他们在选名字时所看重的希望和梦想也许并不符合你的希望和梦想。?
如果你的名字看上去已不再适合你，不要苦恼；你不必一辈子用这个名字。?影星们就经常改名，下点决心，你也可以这样做。
Unit 7
Lighten Your Load and Save Your Life
If you often feel angry and overwhelmed, like the stress in your life is spinning out of control, then you may be hurting your heart.
If you don't want to break your own heart, you need to learn to take charge of your life where you can—and recognize there are many things beyond your control.
So says Dr. Robert S. Eliot, author of a new book titled From Stress to Strength: How to Lighten Your Load and Save Your Life. He's a clinical professor of medicine at the University of Nebraska.
Eliot says there are people in this world that he calls "hot reactors". For these people, being tense may cause tremendous and rapid increases in their blood pressure.
Eliot says researchers have found that stressed people have higher cholesterol levels, among other things. "We've done years of work in showing that excess alarm or stress chemicals can literally burst heart muscle fibers. When that happens it happens very quickly, within five minutes. It creates many short circuits, and that causes crazy heart rhythms. The heart beats like a bag of worms instead of a pump. And when that happens, we can't live."
Eliot, 64, suffered a heart attack at age 44. He attributes some of the cause to stress. For years he was a "hot reactor". On the exterior, he was cool, calm and collected, but on the interior, stress was killing him. He's now doing very well.
The main predictors of destructive levels of stress are the FUD factors—fear, uncertainty and doubt—together with perceived lack of control, he says.
For many people, the root of their stress is anger, and the trick is to find out where the anger is coming from. "Does the anger come from a feeling that everything must be perfect" Eliot asks.
"That's very common in professional women. They feel they have to be all things to all people and do it all perfectly. They think, 'I should, I must, I have to.' Good enough is never good enough. Perfectionists cannot delegate. They get angry that they have to carry it all, and they blow their tops. Then they feel guilty and they start the whole cycle over again."
"Others are angry because they have no compass in life. And they give the same emphasis to a traffic jam that they give a family argument," he says. "If you are angry for more than five minutes—if you stir the anger within you and let it build with no safety outlet—you have to find out where it's coming from."
"What happens is that the hotter people get, physiologically, with mental stress, the more likely they are to blow apart with some heart problem."
One step to calming down is to recognize you have this tendency. Learn to be less hostile by changing some of your attitudes and negative thinking.
Eliot recommends taking charge of your life. "If there is one word that should be substituted for stress, it's control. Instead of the FUD factors, what you want is the NICE factors—new, interesting, challenging experiences."
"You have to decide what parts of your life you can control," he says. "Stop where you are on your trail and say, 'I'm going to get my compass out and find out what I need to do.' "
He suggests that people write down the six things in their lives that they feel are the most important things they'd like to achieve. Ben Franklin did it at age 32. "He wrote down things like being a better father, being a better husband, being financially independent, being stimulated intellectually and remaining even-tempered—he wasn't good at that."
Eliot says you can first make a list of 12 things, then cut it down to 6 and set your priorities. "Don't give yourself impossible things, but things that will affect your identity, control and self-worth."
"Put them on a note card and take it with you and look at it when you need to. Since we can't create a 26-hour day we have to decide what things we're going to do."
Keep in mind that over time these priorities are going to change. "The kids grow up, the dog dies and you change your priorities."
From Eliot's viewpoint, the other key to controlling stress is to "realize that there are other troublesome parts of your life over which you can have little or no control—like the economy and politicians".
You have to realize that sometimes with things like traffic jams, deadlines and unpleasant bosses, "You can't fight. You can't flee. You have to learn how to flow."
Unit 8
There's a Lot More to Life than a Job
It has often been remarked that the saddest thing about youth is that it is wasted on the young.
Reading a survey report on first-year college students, I recalled the regret, "If only I knew then what I know now."
The survey revealed what I had already suspected from informal polls of students both in Macon and at the Robins Resident Center: If it (whatever it may be) won't compute and you can't drink it, smoke it or spend it, then "it" holds little value.
According to the survey based on responses from over 188,000 students, today's college beginners are "more consumeristic and less idealistic" than at any time in the 17 years of the poll.
Not surprising in these hard times, the students' major objective "is to be financially well off". Less important than ever is developing a meaningful philosophy of life. Accordingly, today the most popular course is not literature or history but accounting.
Interest in teaching, social service and the humanities is at a low, along with ethnic and women's studies. On the other hand, enrollment in business programs, engineering and computer science is way up.
That's no surprise either. A friend of mine (a sales representative for a chemical company) was making twice the salary of college instructors during her first year on the job—even before she completed her two-year associate degree.
"I'll tell them what they can do with their music, history, literature, etc.," she was fond of saying. And that was four years ago; I tremble to think what she's earning now.
Frankly, I'm proud of the young lady (not her attitude but her success). But why can't we have it both ways Can't we educate people for life as well as for a career I believe we can.
If we cannot, then that is a conviction against our educational system—kindergarten, elementary, secondary and higher. In a time of increasing specialization, more than ever, we need to know what is truly important in life.
This is where age and maturity enter. Most people, somewhere between the ages of 30 and 50, finally arrive at the inevitable conclusion that they were meant to do more than serve a corporation, a government agency, or whatever.
Most of us finally have the insight that quality of life is not entirely determined by a balance sheet. Sure, everyone wants to be financially comfortable, but we also want to feel we have a perspective on the world beyond the confines of our occupation; we want to be able to render service to our fellow men and to our God.
If it is a fact that the meaning of life does not dawn until middle age, is it then not the duty of educational institutions to prepare the way for that revelation Most people, in their youth, resent the Social Security deductions from their pay, yet a seemingly few short years later find themselves standing anxiously by the mailbox.
While it's true all of us need a career, preferably a prosperous one, it is equally true that our civilization has collected an incredible amount of knowledge in fields far removed from our own. And we are better for our understanding of these other contributions—be they scientific or artistic. It is equally true that, in studying the diverse wisdom of others, we learn how to think. More importantly, perhaps, education teaches us to see the connections between things, as well as to see beyond our immediate needs.
Weekly we read of unions that went on strike for higher wages, only to drive their employer out of business. No company, no job. How short-sighted in the long run.
But the most important argument for a broad education is that in studying the accumulated wisdom of the ages, we improve our moral sense. I saw a cartoon recently which depicts a group of businessmen looking puzzled as they sit around a conference table; one of them is talking on the intercom: "Miss Baxter," he says, "could you please send in someone who can distinguish right from wrong"
In the long run that's what education really ought to be about. I think it can be. My college roommate, now head of a large shipping company in New York, not surprisingly was a business major. But he also hosted a classical music show on the college's FM station and listened to Wagner as he studied his accounting.
That's the way it should be. Oscar Wilde had it right when he said we ought to give our ability to our work but our genius to our lives.
Let's hope our educators answer students' cries for career education, but at the same time let's ensure that students are prepared for the day when they realize their short-sightedness. There's a lot more to life than a job.
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