advertise

我发现我特别爱用“sth make。。。”让什么怎么样的句型，但不知道怎么改的丰富，现在是知道怎么写内容却语言匮乏

题目：ad makes the products seem much better than what it really is?

赞同观点

1， 对于生产厂家，A广告让一个平凡的商品更吸引人；通过拍摄技巧，广告生动逼真；通过邀请明星，商品具有说服力；B厂家通过广告赋予平凡商品意义，消费者在买商品功能的同时感觉自己在消费概念和生活方式。比如年轻人去starbuck追求小资，家庭主妇买nestea果汁联想到健康生活

2，对于信息匮乏的消费者，特别是有特殊需求的顾客。广告对产品功能介绍让他们更好了解商品，商品价值也提高了。比如某种能快速治疗心脏病药的广告，对于那些渴望康复的病人来说广告让药看起来更有价值

3，虽然有些广告会夸大商品，让人去买他们本不需要的东西。但是这个缺点可以通过法律和公众监督来解决

Nowadays, when it turns to the question that does most advertisement makes the product better than it really is(that引导的同位语从句，你自己看看你这个从句，又有does又有makes), different people may hold various views. As for me, I agree with the proposition with follow reasons:（首先开头最好以一句话，多为背景引出主体，中心句，你没有交代背景，直接进主体中心句也可以，但是主体中心句是对下面你要展开论述的内容的概括，也就是说你下面讲的支持你观点的原因要是due to their backgrounds，但是你下面的论述是围绕这个写的吗？）

Here, I would like to explain several important factors.（这句多余，而且多余还多余的没有文采，记住说废话可以，但是一定要句子优美，能够给你加分，你这句就画蛇添足了） First, when it comes to the producers and sellers（开头已经用过这个when it comes to ….这个句型了，重复, a common product become（第三人称单数谓语动词用什么形式becomes） more attractive to customers due to（由于。。。可以有很多表达，because of以后写的时候有意识让自己不要老用一种表达 ,） the advertisement. They can use special effects to make the advertisement more lively and vivid. And a great many of modern stars are invited to perform in advertisement; it makes those goods more persuasive（这两个句子用一个that连接就可以变成一个主语从句）. In addition, advertisement adds meaning(make sense我拿不准赋予意义怎么说) to a common products（a 还能跟productrs？你就这些小错误都把分扣没了，写的时候一定注意）. When customers enjoy a kind of product, they can get the idea that they not only buy the function, but also take a life style. For instance, young generation, in China, prefers to drink in Starbucks are not so much a cup of coffee as fashion style（一句话能有两个动词吗？prefer和 are）. (新学的 be not so much A as B=rather than) In the orange juice advertisement of Nestea, you may find fresh oranges, sun shine orchard and energetic young men. When housewives buy the juice, they will relate their products with green food and healthy life.

Besides this, when it tomes to the customers（继续重复，提到。。。。可以用词组speaking of …）, advertisement provides them useful information on(about) the goods function(the function of products/goods/commodity注意语言的多样性和丰富，一个意思多个词表示，不光多个词表示，还可以主动被动交替使用) and character. It is obviously（obvious） that customers, especially those who are in urgent need, could know those goods better(更好了解). An instance can give the detail of this argument. If an advertisement said that a new medicine could treat heart disease well and it has saved a great many of patients' life, this news is very important for those patients who want to recover quickly. There is no denying that the value of the drug is increased too.

However, as a proverb says: No garden without weeds. Advertisement, of course, has some negative effects on people's life. For example, as some people says ,the primate goal for advertisement is commercial profit, so the function of some goods is exaggerated, and customers are encouraged to buy something that they really needn't. But I want to say that those people who put too much emphasis on these disadvantages seem to fail to think over that these adverse effects can be mitigated and even completely avoided if(on condition that/as long as) proper measures are taken, such as increasing supervision by the low and the public.(law enforcement agency and the public)

To sum up, from what have been discussed above, we can draw the conclusion that advertisement which introduces new message to us makes our daily life more convenient(你觉得这个定语从句可以该好些吗？). (这个从句不错，但是结尾段是总结全文，你这句话总结全文了吗？甚至跟你的主体无关，人家让你阐述广告是不是使产品更好了,你这句说的啥)Both customers and producers are benefited greatly by this message medium.

你好像很在意语言的华丽，但是现在看来你的问题不只是语言的问题，你的文章整体构思也存在问题，其实首先要考虑的是一个文章的布局和构思问题，这也是短期内最好提高的，布局构思清楚了，其实一篇文章的脉络大致也就展现在你面前了。文章的各个部分都是为主题服务的，抓住一个主题，一根主线去构思，文章就很容易写了，论证主体部分的例子也就容易举了。看你的论证部分 ，很混乱，感觉东一句西一句，写着写着好像就偏离主题了，说明自己写的时候就思路不清，根本没有事先构思好。这样写起来，想一句写一句的，就更谈不上连贯和华丽的句型了，因为你都是以句为单位在凑字数,所以建议你好好看我给你的范文，看看上面是怎么说构思，怎么举例子论证的.

再说你的语言，多是中国式的英语，可以看出来全是中文意思的堆砌，就像写流水帐，这和你的没有事先整体构思有关。其次变化的意识没有，词，人称，句型，都没有主动求变的意识，同一个意思的词或词组可以有多个，同一句话可以用主动或被动两种形式表达，比如the workers completed these tasks well/these tasks were completed well by the workers,既是句型的变化，同时也可以作为主语变化的一种方式，你老用advertisement做主语，什么广告怎么怎么样，多单调，适当让广告做宾语，变被动，不也是一种变化吗？

主要还是抓构思，思路清晰，再避免点小错误，别出现语法错误，25分肯定有的，好好看我给你发的里面是怎么讲文章结构的，这个是关键。外国人很注重结构，英语是形合的文字，形式最重要，你结构很清楚，一二三给人家一列，老外很容易懂，开头结尾再华丽点，中间部分有条理点，不用多华丽，就高分，改作文就那么2分钟，谁像我这么给你细看，去揣摩你的意思，一看你写这么混乱，直接不愿意往下看，给你15分就不错了。

你要是想好好改，我当你的家教，我把你写的每篇改完，再给你写一篇，到时候你自己参考着看。你先自己好好考虑吧

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