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IsIttheRightTimetoHaveaRomantic
Relationship?

Moreoftenthannot,youencounterdayswhereyoujustwantsomeoneinyourlife.Thiscanbetriggeredbywatchingromanticcomedies,readinganarticleontheinternetorseeingyourbestfriendhappilysettledwithsomeone.Yes,theycome,andthey'reperfectlynatural,butareyousurethat'swhatyoureallywant?常常在某些瞬间,你莫名渴望生活中能出现另一半。或许只因刚刚看过几部浪漫喜剧、在网上读到某些文字,抑或因为看到好朋友都喜滋滋牵上了手。他们是如此自然而又完美地出现在一起。可是,你确定这当真就是自己想要的吗?
1.You'rejustinlovewiththeconceptoflove.你只是喜欢爱情本身的美好。
Clichébutthisismostlikelythesituationifyouthinkarelationshipwillsaveyourlife'smonotony.Peoplealwayshavearomanticizednotionofwhathavingaboyfriendorgirlfriendwouldmakethemfeellike.Youtoywiththeideaofhavingsomeoneconstantlywithyou,thedatesandthecandlelitdinners,buttheexhilarationofhavingoneonlylastsinitsearlystages.Ifyouexpecttoomuchfromityoumightjumpintothefirstpotentialrelationshipyoufindandendupdisappointed.
虽说陈词滥调,但也确实如此:如果你以为恋爱能救你摆脱无聊乏味,那必定只是喜欢字面的蕴意。人们对谈男女朋友总是充满过于浪漫的幻想,觉得身边会一直有人陪伴、能享受数不尽的约会和烛光晚餐。其实,这种情调只会短暂出现在恋爱初期。要是你怀着过高期望一头扎进去,最后只能失望收尾。
2.Doyouevenknowyourselfwellenoughalready?你已经足够了解自己了吗?

It'simportanttoknowyourselfbeforebecomingpartofarelationship.Ifyoudon'tstandforanything,you'llfindyourselfunconsciouslygivingtoomuchandquestioningifitwasevenenough.
谈恋爱前一定要对自己足够了解。如果你毫无立场,到时候会不自觉地无限付出,还一直困惑自己到底付出得够不够。
Setstandardsonthepeopleyouwanttobeinyourlifeandhowyouwanttobetreated.Knowwhatyou'reworthandeventually,you'llmakehimorherbelieveittoo.
生活中要出现另一半时,先定下双方相处原则。你要清楚自己的价值,然后让对方相信你有这样的价值。
3.Youjustgotoutofonerecently.你刚刚结束一段恋情
Whenyou'vejustbrokenupwithyourex,findingareboundwouldseemlikethemostconvenientsolution.It'saneasydistractionfromthepast,allofasuddenyourattentionisclaimedbysomeoneelse.
若你刚和前任分手,找个备胎貌似再简单不过了。你的注意力突然转移到了另一个人身上,自然更容易忘记过去。
However,thisshortcuttorecoveryisalsoshort-lived.Ifyou'renotgenuinelyready,itwillshow.Giveittime,enjoybeingsingleandsavesomeoneelsefromtheheartache.
可是,这条捷径恢复得快,结束得也快。如果你还没有真正准备好,后面会给你颜色看。所以,慢慢来,先享受好单身生活,别再轻易伤害到另一个人。4.Youcan'tevenmakeyourselfhappy.你甚至都无法使自己快乐
Somepeopleassumethathavingaboyfriendorgirlfriendisthetickettohappiness.Theythinkthatitwillmakethingslighterandeasierbecausethere's

someonetheretomakethemfeelcontent.Thoughrelationshipsmayhavethiseffect,youhavetonotethatifyourhappinessisdependentonsomeoneelseandthispersondoesn'tmeetthoseexpectations,you'llendupmoremiserablethanyoustarted.
有些人想当然以为,只要有男朋友或女朋友就会过得快乐。他们以为,到时候一切会变得容易而轻松,因为身边会有人安慰呵护他们。当然,恋爱确实能带来这些好处,但请别忘了:如果你把幸福托付给别人,一旦这个人达不到你的期望,你会超级受伤、悔不当初。It'syourjobtomakeyourselffeelhappyandfulfilled,withorwithoutapartner.Arelationshipsimplyaddsvaluetoyoubutitshouldn'tbetheonethatcompletesyou.
所以,不论有没有恋人,快乐和满足都只能靠你自己创造。恋爱只能为你增光添彩,却无法替代完整的你。
5.Willitfitinyourpriorities?恋爱是你的当务之急吗?
Ifyou'reapersonwhohasavisionandaplan,thisisagoodquestiontoaskyourself.Howwillaromanticrelationshipfitinwithyourpriorities?Ifyouknowthatrightnow,you'restillbuildingyourcareerandthere'salotatstake,isittherighttimetohaveone?Whileyou'refinishingoneprojectafteranother,havingaboyfriendorgirlfriendisanicetohavethatyouthinkaboutduringyourbreaks.如果你有自己的目标和规划,那很有必要扪心自问:一段浪漫的恋爱是否是当务之急?如果你确信如此,别忘了你正在努力打拼事业,百事待兴,这时候谈恋爱适合吗?你正项目接项目地忙活,喘息时想想身边能有个伴儿是件非常美好的事。
Ifyou'refullyawarethatit'snotoneofyourmainconcerns,there'sahighprobabilitythatyou'lltakeyourpartnerforgranted.Itwouldbemorebeneficialandpracticalforyoutoallocateyourtimetowhat'simportanttoyouasofthemomentandavoiddisappointingsomeoneelse.

如果你非常清楚这不是你的重中之重,那就算有恋人,你很可能也不会特别投入。这种情况下,倒不如把时间用来做当下最重要的任务,不要徒劳使他人失望罢。
It'seasytobeblindedbythemedia,pastexperiencesandcouplesthatyouencounteraboutwhataromanticrelationshipwillbringyou.Butbeforeyougetconsumedbyyourdesiretohaveoneorworse,bebroughtdownbyitscurrentunattainability,bewiseenoughtothinktwiceaboutit,whatyouwantrightnowmightnotbewhatyouneed.
媒体宣传、以往经历或身边情侣很可能误导你对浪漫恋爱的理解。在你冲动想要恋爱前,如清醒认识到目前的不切实际性,理智做到三思而后行——你现在所渴望的,未必就是你需要的。
WhoShouldPayfortheFirstDate?

Whoshouldpayforthefirstdate?Themajoritysaysit’stheguy’sresponsibility.Asurveyreleasedthismonthfoundthatabout77percentofpeopleinheterosexualrelationshipsbelievemenshouldsettlethebillonthefirstdate.ThesurveywasputtogetherbyUSfinancialwebsiteNerdWallet.Thesitepolledroughly1,000Americanswhohadbeendatingtheirpartnersforsixmonthsormore.
第一次约会该由谁买单?多数人认为这是男士的责任。本月初,美国财经网站NerdWallet公布了一项针对近1000名交往6个月及以上情侣的调查结果。数据显示,77%(异性恋)受访者认为应该由男士来买单。
Thefinancialchivalrybeganwhen,inthepast,womenhadnoaccesstoemploymentandthereforecouldn’tfendthemselvesfinancially.Butnowadays,moreandmorewomenhavebecomethebreadwinners.AccordingtoTheAtlantic,between1960and2011intheUS,theproportionoftwo-parentUShouseholdsinwhichthemotherearnedallormostoftheincomeroughlyquadrupled.

过去,这种勇于付款的骑士精神是因为女性没有工作,不能经济独立。但现如今,越来越多的女性都成为养家糊口的主力军,据美国《大西洋月刊》报道,1960年到2011年,美国双亲家庭中母亲是家中主要或全部经济来源的家庭所占比例几乎翻了两番。
Sowhy,amideconomicchangesandgenderequityadvancements,aremenstillexpectedtopayforthebill?
那么,在经济变革、两性更加平等的今天,为什么依旧应该由男士来买单呢?
“Associalrolesstarttochange,peopleoftenembracethechangesthatmaketheirliveseasier,butresistthechangesthatmaketheirlivesmoredifficult,”DavidFrederick,aprofessorofpsychologyatChapmanUniversity,US,toldTheHuffingtonPost.“Whopaysfordates…isonearenawherewomenmayberesistinggenderchangesmorethanmen,”hesuggested.
美国柴普曼大学心理学教授大卫弗里德瑞克在接受《赫芬顿邮报》采访时表示,在社会角色开始发生变化时,人们往往愿意接受那些使生活更容易的变化,排斥令生活更麻烦的变化。而谁来买单的问题?(在这个问题上)女性比男性更抗拒性别角色的变化。
Menpaymore男士付得多
Frederickisaco-authorofastudyreleasedlastyearthatalsofoundmentendtopayfordates.ThestudywaslargerthanNerdWallet’sandpolledabout17,000people,accordingtoTheAtlantic.Thestudyalsofound39percentofitsfemalerespondentsadmittedthattheyhopedmenwouldrejecttheirofferstohelppay.Frederickandhiscolleaguescalledpayingfordates“ararecase”inwhichwomenaremotivatednottofightold-schoolgenderdynamics.Inthesameway,menwhoarenolongerbreadwinnersaren’taseagertotakeupdomesticresponsibilitiessuchasparentingandhomemaking.
弗里德瑞克教授去年与别人共同进行的一项研究发现,男士依旧是约会买单的主力。《大西洋月刊》报道称,这项调查的规模比NerdWallet网站的还大,约17000人参与了调查。

数据显示,39%女性受访者承认就算自己提出买单要求,内心仍希望男士抢着付钱。弗里德瑞克教授和他的同事们认为,这是女性不抵触传统性别角色的特例。与之类似的还有,男士虽然不再独挑养家糊口的重担,却仍不愿承担教育小孩、操持家务等家庭责任。
Manypeoplewouldarguemen’spayingfordatesisaformofrespectingwomen.ButJoePinsker,writinginTheAtlantic,saysthisseemingly“benevolent”formofsexismcanleadtoasenseofentitlementonmen’spart—theytendtothinkthatwomenowethembecausetheyhavepaid.
不少人认为男士在约会时买单是一种对女性的尊重。但乔皮斯科在美国《大西洋月刊》上撰文称,这种看似善意的大男子主义会让男人感觉自己拥有更多权利——他们为约会买单,因此认为女性对他们有所亏欠。
Moneycantwistmen’sopinionofsexualconsent.Pinskercitesa2010studypublishedintheJournalofInterpersonalViolence.Itfoundthatmenweremorelikelythanwomentothinkthatsexshouldbeexpectedwhenamanpaysforanexpensivedate.
此外,付钱还会让男性将其误解为允许发生性关系的许可。皮斯科还援引了一份2010年发表于《人际暴力杂志》的调查,其结果显示,在为昂贵的约会买单后,男性比女性更容易认为将与对方发生关系。
Thisreallyisdisturbing.ButFrederickfoundsomethingoptimisticinhisstudythatmightserveasawarningtosomewomen.Almosthalfofthemensurveyedinthestudyheco-authoredsaidthattheywouldbreakupwithawomanifsheneverofferedtohelppaythebillonadate.“Inthissingletellingfindingaboutdatingandpayinginteractions,weseeevidenceofaseachange,”Frederickwrote.
这确实让人感到不安,但弗里德瑞克教授在他的研究中也发现了一些好消息,供一些女士参考:调查中,几乎一半男性都表示如果约会对象从未有过要买单的意思,他们会选择分手。弗里德瑞克教授说,从这一结果可以看出,在约会与买单的互动关系上,我们可以看到巨大的不同。

本文来源:https://www.2haoxitong.net/k/doc/7e65b55fb4daa58da0114ab2.html

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