How to Stop Complaining

How to Stop Complaining

Perhaps the most important step in quitting the habit of complaining is to disconnect the undesirable behavior from your identity.  A common mistake chronic complainers make is to self-identify with the negative thoughts running through their minds.  Such a person might admit, “I know I’m responsible for my thoughts, but I don’t know how to stop myself from thinking negatively so often.”  That seems like a step in the right direction, and to a certain degree it is, but it’s also a trap.  It’s good to take responsibility for your thoughts, but you don’t want to identify with those thoughts to the point you end up blaming yourself and feeling even worse.

A better statement might be, “I recognize these negative thoughts going through my mind.  But those thoughts are not me.  As I raise my awareness, I can replace those thoughts with positive alternatives.”  You have the power to recondition your thoughts, but the trick is to keep your consciousness out of the quagmire of blame.  Realize that while these thoughts are flowing through your mind, they are not you.  You are the conscious conduit through which they flow.

Mental conditioning

Although your thoughts are not you, if you repeat the same thoughts over and over again, they will condition your mind to a large extent.  It’s almost accurate to say that we become our dominant thoughts, but I think that’s taking it a bit too far.

Consider how the foods you eat condition your body.  You aren’t really going to become the next meal you eat, but that meal is going to influence your physiology, and if you keep eating the same meals over and over, they’ll have a major impact on your body over time.  Your body will crave and expect those same foods.  However, your body remains separate and distinct from the foods you eat, and you’re still free to change what you eat, which will gradually recondition your physiology in accordance with the new inputs.

This is why negative thinking is so addictive.  If you keep holding negative thoughts, you condition your mind to expect and even crave those continued inputs.  Your neurons will even learn to predict the reoccurrence of negative stimuli.  You’ll practically become a negativity magnet.

The trap of negative thinking

This is a tough situation to escape because it’s self-perpetuating, as anyone stuck in negative thinking knows all too well.  Your negative experiences feed your negative expectations, which then attract new negative experiences.

In truth most people who enter this pattern never escape it in their entire lives.  It’s just that difficult to escape.  Even as they rail against their own negativity, they unknowingly perpetuate it by continuing to identify with it.  If you beat yourself up for being too negative, you’re simply reinforcing the pattern, not breaking out of it.

I think most people who are stuck in this trap will remain stuck until they experience an elevation in their consciousness.  They have to recognize that they’re trapped and that continuing to fight their own negativity while still identifying with it is a battle that can never be won.  Think about it.  If beating yourself up for being too whiny was going to work, wouldn’t it have worked a long time ago?  Are you any closer to a solution for all the effort you’ve invested in this plan of attack?

Consequently, the solution I like best is to stop fighting and surrender.  Instead of resisting the negativity head-on, acknowledge and accept its presence.  This will actually have the effect of raising your consciousness.

Overcoming negativity

You can actually learn to embrace the negative thoughts running through your head and thereby transcend them.  Allow them to be, but don’t identify with them because those thoughts are not you.  Begin to interact with them like an observer.

It’s been said that the mind is like a hyperactive monkey.  The more you fight with the monkey, the more hyper it becomes.  So instead just relax and observe the monkey until it wears itself out.

Recognize also that this is the very reason you’re here, living out your current life as a human being.  Your reason for being here is to develop your consciousness.  If you’re mired in negativity, your job is to develop your consciousness to the point where you can learn to stay focused on what you want, to create positively instead of destructively.  It may take you more than a lifetime to accomplish that, and that’s OK.  Your life is always reflecting back to you the contents of your consciousness.  If you don’t like what you’re experiencing, that’s because your skill at conscious creation remains underdeveloped.  That’s not a problem though because you’re here to develop it.  You’re experiencing exactly what you’re supposed to be experiencing so you can learn.

Conscious creation

If you need a few more lifetimes to work through your negativity, you’re free to take your time.  Conscious creation is a big responsibility, and maybe you don’t feel ready for it yet.  So until then you’re going to perpetuate the pattern of negative thinking to keep yourself away from that realization.  You must admit that the idea of being the primary creator of everything in your current reality is a bit daunting.  What are you going to make of your life?  What if you screw up?  What if you make a big mess of everything?  What if you try your best and fail?  Those self-doubts will keep you in a pattern of negativity as a way of avoiding that responsibility.

Unfortunately, this escapism has consequences.  The only way true creators can deny responsibility for their creations is to buy into the illusion that they aren’t really creating any of it.  This means you have to turn your own creative energy against yourself.  You’re like a god using his powers to become powerless.  You use your strength to make yourself weak.

The reason you may be stuck in a negative thought pattern right now is that at some point, you chose it.  You figured the alternative of accepting full responsibility for everything in your reality would be worse.  It’s too much to handle.  So you turned your own thoughts against yourself to avoid that awesome responsibility.  And you’ll continue to remain in a negative manifestation pattern until you’re ready to start accepting some of that responsibility back onto your plate.

Negativity needn’t be a permanent condition.  You still have the freedom to choose otherwise.  In practice this realization normally happens in layers of unfolding awareness.  You begin to accept and embrace more and more responsibility for your life.

Assuming total responsibility

You see… the real solution to complaining is responsibility.  You must say to the universe (and mean it), “I want to accept more responsibility for everything in my experience.”

Here are some examples of what I mean by accepting responsibility:

∙ If I’m unhappy, it’s because I’m creating it.

∙ If there’s a problem in the world that bothers me, I’m responsible for fixing it.

∙ If someone is in need, I’m responsible for helping them.

∙ If I want something, it’s up to me to achieve it.

∙ If I want certain people in my life, I must attract and invite them to be with me.

∙ If I don’t like my present circumstances, I must end them.

On the flip side, it may also help to take responsibility for all the good in your life.  The good stuff didn’t just happen to you.  You created it.  Well done.

Pat yourself on the back for what you like, but don’t feel you must pretend to enjoy what you clearly don’t like.  But do accept responsibility for all of it… to the extent you’re ready to do so.

Complaining is the denial of responsibility.  And blame is just another way of excusing yourself from being responsible.  But this denial still wields its own creative power.

Conscious creation is indeed an awesome responsibility.  But in my opinion it’s the best part of being human.  There’s just no substitute for creating a life of joy, even if it requires taking responsibility for all the unwanted junk you’ve manifested up to this point.

When you catch yourself complaining, stop and ask yourself if you want to continue to deny responsibility for your reality or to allow a bit more responsibility back onto your plate.  Maybe you’re ready to assume more responsibility, and maybe you aren’t, but do your best to make that decision consciously.  Do you want sympathy for creating what you don’t want, or do you want congratulations for creating what you do want?

译文: 停止抱怨，承担责任

改掉抱怨习惯的最重要的一点，就是彻底改掉消极的态度。大多数习惯抱怨的人常犯的错误就是把自己定义成为一个消极的人。这样的人可能会承认，“我知道我应该对我的想法负责，但是我不知道如何才能将自己从消极思考的习惯中解脱出来。” 似乎这是正确的一步，某种意义上的确如此，但这也是一个陷阱。承认自己有这样的想法是一件好事，但是你又不想去认同这些想法，最终只会责怪自己，使自我感觉更糟。



也许这样说更清楚些，“我承认我有消极的想法，但这并不代表我就是一个消极的人。一旦我仔细地思考，我就可以用积极的想法来替代它们。” 你可以改变想法，但是最关键的是不要让自己的思想陷入抱怨的泥沼之中。要意识到这些消极的想法只是头脑中闪现的念头，并不是你自己。你只是这些消极想法通过的隧道而已。



心理调节



尽管消极的想法并不是你自己，但是如果同一个想法在你脑海里反复出现，很大程度上它将会左右你的思想。更精确地说，它将成为主要思想，但我认为这样想是有点夸张。



思考一下饮食对身体的影响。你不会变成下一顿食物的样子，但是食物却会影响你的生理。如果你每顿都吃相同的食物，一段时间过后，这些食物将会对你的身体产生很大的影响。你的身体将会总是渴望相同的食物。然而，你的身体和这些食物是截然不同的，你仍然可以随意地更换食物，同时你的身体也会逐渐地适应新的食物。



这就是消极思想如此顽固的原因。如果你一直保有消极思维，你的大脑就会更容易接受甚至是渴望消极思想。你的神经细胞甚至可以预测消极刺激物的再次出现，实际上你的思想已经形成了消极思维定式。



消极思想的陷阱



脱离消极思想的困境是非常困难的，因为消极思想会自我繁衍。所有深陷消极思想的人都该深有体会。消极思想的经历将会滋长你的消极思维，从而带来新的消极经历。



实际上大多数陷入这种恶性循环的人一辈子也没能从这种怪圈中逃脱出来。因为摆脱消极思想实在是太困难了。即使责怪自己的消极想法，但是却又不自觉地认同那些消极想法。如果因意识到自己太过消极而进行自我折磨，那么你只是在加重恶性循环，而不是从中解脱。



大多数陷入消极陷阱的人，直到有一天遇到某些事情有了顿悟，才会从消极思想中解脱出来。他们不得不承认他们已经深陷这种陷阱，并一直在试图拯救自己，可是仍然摆脱不了消极思想，这是一场无法胜利的较量。仔细想想吧。如果一味责骂自己真的管用的话，早就有效了。所以只有面对自己，面对现实，才能真正解决问题。



我认为最好的解决方法是停止反抗，向消极想法投降。不再对消极想法做顽固抵抗，而是承认它的存在。这样反而会促使你进行更深入地思考。



战胜消极思想



事实上,你可以试着在接受消极思想的基础上战胜它。承认它的存在,但是不要认同这些消极思想，因为它们并不代表真正的你。把自己当作旁观者来与消极思想进行互动。



据说思维如同亢奋的猴子，只会越斗越勇。如果是这样,倒不如放松地观察,直到它自己筋疲力尽。



人类存在的意义就是不断开发自己的意识。如果你陷入了消极思想的陷阱，那么你要开发自我意识，专心于自己喜欢的事情上，积极地去创造而不是消极地进行破坏。也许你一生都无法达到这个境界，不过没关系。因为你的生命总是会反馈思想的内容。如果你不满意自己的现状，那也是因为你的意识创造力还有待提高。这并不是一个问题，这种创造意识是可以培养的。你所经历的就是你应该经历的，你可以从这些经历中学习成长。



自觉创造



如果你需要更多的时间来战胜消极思想，那么不必着急，慢慢来。自觉创造是一项艰巨的自我挑战，也许你感觉还没有做好充分的准备。这时，你就会固守消极思维模式，拒绝进行自觉创造。你不得不承认推翻现在的主导思想确实会让自己望而却步。自己的生活将变成什么样子？重新振作会是什么样子？如果一切都变得很糟该怎么办？如果竭尽全力却仍以失败告终，又该怎么办？这些自我怀疑的想法只会把你禁锢在消极思想的牢笼中，成为逃避责任的借口。



不幸的是，这种逃避是会有报应的。真正的创造这可以推卸责任的唯一方式就是幻想自己从来没有进行创造。这也意味着你正在压抑自己的创造力。你就像一个拥有无穷力量的神灵，利用自己的力量把自己变得无能。也就是说，通过自己的力量来削弱自己的能力。



你总是陷在消极的思维模式中，也是因为某种意义上，是你选择了消极。你认为承担人生中的所有责任会更糟糕。你无法承担太大的责任，因此你选择消极思想来逃避责任。你会一直陷入这种消极状态中，直到你愿意重新承担责任为止。



没有必要永远消极。你仍然有权利去做其它的选择。通常你会在不知不觉中做出其它的选择。你开始接受并迎接生命中越来越多的责任。



承担全部责任



你已经了解到，解决抱怨的真正方法就是承担责任。你必须对全世界说（你也的确是这么想的）“我想承担生命中更多的责任。”



下面是一些能够体现责任感的例子：



如果我不快乐，那是因为我正在创造快乐。

如果我被一些事情困扰，那么我就有责任把这些事情处理好。

如果有人需要帮助，我就有责任帮助他们。

如果我想要得到一样东西，那么我要靠自己的努力去得到它。

对于生命中需要的人，我必须吸引并且赢得他们。

如果不满意现状，那么我必须改变现状。



从另一种角度说，承担责任对你的一生是非常有益的。美好的生活不是运气，而是自己创造出来的。



坚持做自己喜欢的事情，而不必假装去喜欢自己不喜欢的事情。但是无论喜欢还是不喜欢，都要懂得承担责任或者做好承担责任的准备。



抱怨是对责任的否定。自我责备是逃避责任的另一种方式，然而这种方式仍然发挥了它的创造性力量。



自觉创造确实需要很强烈的责任感。然而我认为，这恰恰是人类最可贵的品质。没有什么能够取代创造快乐生活的喜悦，即使有时你需要对不喜欢的事情负责。



当你发觉自己又开始抱怨了，立即停止并且反问自己，是想继续逃避责任还是选择承担责任？也许你会选择承担责任，也许会选择逃避，但是无论选择什么，都最好是发自内心的。 想想自己，是希望做不喜欢的事情而得到别人的同情，还是期望做喜欢的事情从而得到别人的祝福？

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